A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I drink to make other people more interesting.