Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.