By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.