I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.