I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.