I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.