I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Men are as faithful as their options.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?