The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.