A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?