I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.