In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.