It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.