I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.