May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.