Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.