I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?