Sex is an emotion in motion.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.