I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.