An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?