Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.