Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.