If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.