I drink to make other people more interesting.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.