I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
No good deed goes unpunished.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.