If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.