Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.