If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.