I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.