I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.