If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?