I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.