It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Men are as faithful as their options.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Sex is an emotion in motion.