Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.