I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.