Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.