Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
No good deed goes unpunished.