I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!