I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.