I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.