I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!