You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Men are as faithful as their options.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.