I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!