Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.