It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.