There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.