I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.