Women are made to be loved not understood.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Men are as faithful as their options.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.