Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

No good deed goes unpunished.