Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.