I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.