Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.