It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.