A day without laughter is a day wasted.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.