He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

I'm single because I was born that way.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.