War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
No good deed goes unpunished.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.