Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.