A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Men are as faithful as their options.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.