Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.