You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.