Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

No good deed goes unpunished.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.