I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I'm single because I was born that way.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!