We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

I'm single because I was born that way.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.