I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.