I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.