By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.