If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.