I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.