When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.