I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.