When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.