There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.