I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.